i still think the WTC will reappear as it once was. i don't mean the skyline because by now i cannot remember where and how i used to see the WTC. i can't visualize where it belongs anymore. i look at the skyline and i know it should be there somewhere and i know it's down there or over there somewhere.

but i can't pinpoint it. there. that is EXACTLY where it belongs.

when i do think will reappear is the mall. i think someday they will rebuild. and in my head, this means i will go to the mall. it means that one day i will stop there on my way home for flowers and something from duane reade. i will get clothes at the gap. just where it was. just like it was. my photos will be developed in the one hour photo place there. i will get some soup. i will look at coach bags. i will buy a tiara at claire's. then, i will walk up the escalators and out the door and to the krispy kreme. i will run over to century 21 for tights.

it will be EXACTLY like it once was.

i was thinking this on the train this morning. how my commute has changed and how it no longer runs through the WTC. then i got excited because i remembered that the C DOES go through the WTC and that when they rebuild something there, i will be able to stop on my way home.

just like i used to.

because you know. it will be JUST LIKE IT WAS. underneath whatever they put up, whether they make em large or small, no matter what kind of memorial they put up, MY WTC MALL will be EXACTLY like it was. i can see every detail now.

and then i started to cry on the train. again. five months later. and i'm still crying. this time, i'm crying over a goddamned mall that i thought was just sheer genius.

i think it's because in my head, i know that the mall is still as it was. looters were in there. so really, all it needs is electricity and a big vaccum. cause everything's FINE. right? it's just under a graveyard. but the gap is still there. and you can still buy feather boas at claire's.

so if everything is okay now and we're returned to normalcy, why am i still crying?

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