tonight was a strange commute. emotionally charged to be sure.

i was waiting at the spring street station when a young man came up the stairs. he was wearing "ground zero" gear and carrying a gas mask. i noticed that under his protective clothing, he had a collar and that his helmet said "PRIEST" on the back.

it took me a minute to realize that he was going down there to give last rites.

and i decided to thank him. except it wouldn't come out. all i could say was "thank you" and then i started to cry again. i mumbled something about being glad that people are there to care for the dead and that it must be so hard for him.

and he said thank you and put his hand on my arm.

we got on the train and he came over and said "i just want to make sure that YOU are okay. are you coping okay?"

and i just started crying again. i said "i was. i am. i just have moments. and i couldn't get the words out. and i just wanted to say thank you. because however hard it is for me, i'm just riding a train..."

and he said thank you again and walked away.

a few stops later and one train change, i was riding the F. as it banks up above ground in brooklyn, it curves so where if you're facing the city (away from the movement of the train) and you look out the right side of the cars, you see NYC pan out in front of you. first you see the williamsburg bank, then as you climb, you see downtown brooklyn and then manhattan.

tonight, as we banked up and to the right, the song that came over my headphones, exactly as i saw the first bit of the skyline?

"bamp-bamp da-da-da

bamp-bamp da-da-da

bamp-bamp da-da-da dada...

start spreading the news. i'm leaving today. i want to be a part of it...

NEW YORK. NEW YORK."

and i burst into tears again. it was so beautiful. it came on and the new skyline, the one i can't stand to see, became, for the first time in 4 months, beautiful and meaningful for me.

something about that moment for me. healed me somehow. i felt a bit better about my city. a bit better about the gaping hole that somehow, with frank singing "it's up to you, new york, new york", made it all just a little bit more bearable tonight.

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