i want to call cubiclegirl. and i want to talk to her about my friend k*. i feel so codependent on CG. like i have to call her every night. i need to check everything with her. make sure i am screwed on right or something.

this weekend i went to see my friend k* on long island. she and i have been friends since we were 13 or so. almost 20 years i guess. she was so pretty and smart and talented. she still is.

she married a man who is not very nice to her. < /understatement >

i haven't seen him in 6 years (by design) and this weekend i had occasion to see him. and he is really horrible to her. he was horrible to me too. he tried to pick a bunch of fights with me. tried to bully me and scare me. he was awful.

but this time i noticed a pattern. k* almost taunted him. almost...egged him on when they talked to each other. and then when he would turn to me, she would try and deflect it.

it was strange. because all these years i've been waiting for "my k*" to come back. like the part of her who is married to this guy doesn't exist. but she's not just k* from when we were 20. she is a fully grown woman who married a jerk and has a baby and is tricking him into having another one.

that's the whole picture. not just the smart and funny and clever one. she's also this grown woman.

and i don't know how to handle that.

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