this is what i do not understand about karma.

where the hell is it?

i mean, i always used to get up for people. injured people, sick looking people, pregnant women, old people, blind people... so you would think i had a little good karma stored up. apparently, karma works not in this manner.

apparently, the "will someone PLEASE let me sit down" karma is totally separate from the "here, have a seat" karma. the former must be plugged into the "prompt email response" karma and i'm getting a backlash.

not only has no one given me a seat in weeks. but i have come to near fainting twice in the past 2 weeks and no one has done a thing. in addition, last night, a woman YELLED at me for my belly touching her book. see. the train was packed. and i was crammed in next to this SEATED 35 year old yuppie who was reading her book. and as trains do, this one was swaying. and i lost my balance a bit and my belly hit her book. and she said "GET YOUR STOMACH OFF MY BOOK."

to which i responded by bursting into tears because i am often incapable of discussion about these things. she went back to her book. i got off at the next stop and sat on the floor and cried. it took me more than a few minutes to stand up again, at which point the next train shows up and dumps off everyone because it is running express. when the NEXT train gets on, people shove to get on and get the precious few remaining seats. i do not get one. i stand for the rest of the trip.

yesterday, i stood for a grand total of 1 hour, 45 minutes on trains. because no one would give up their seat.

sure, i don't look huge yet. but there's no mistaking this belly. or hell, the maternity clothes pretty much give it away too. or the fact that i am dying of heat and am holding my lower back. it's pretty lame to say someone might not notice at this point. people notice. they take note of my ring and go back to reading their papers.

it really sucks too because i don't want to have to start asking. but at some point soon, i am going to have to.

either that or carry cards that say "Yes, i am pregnant and i would really love to sit down..." and "Thanks for shoving me aside to get your seat. May the pregnancy fairies bring this upon you or your loved ones someday."

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