very interesting. i just did a search on my name cause i like to see what people can know about me. one thing that came up AGAIN is that rant on 9/11/02.

it is amazing to read how people interpreted what i said. i mean, how completely "off" some folks were. i mean, it is only one or two people who interpreted it this way but still, i find it bizarre. i mean, i never said keep sympathy to yourself. i never said you were an idiot for being upset. i just said i couldn't take the drama on tv.

i still don't know how to describe it better than that. i live in a place that has been on orange alert for 18 months. the non-dc rest of the country gets glimpses every so often. but i drive through a tunnel every day with bomb sniffing dogs and some guys with rifles. i have to run my id through an elaborate system of checks when i come to work. and when the country is on orange alert, there are helicopters circling my windows.

so i feel a bit differently today. i mean, last 9/11 i was suffering from some pretty serious PTSD and combining that with having a 3 month old and near constant threats of being killed...i have no real idea why i might have been such an emotional wreck. cause you know. it's JUST cause i am in new york and we're all self-centered and rude. and an asshole. and since she so accurately pegged it as PTSD, yeah. i did have it. i do have it. sorry it is upsetting.

nonetheless. i don't feel particularly proud of that series of posts. i really should have kept that piece of my injured self to myself and not spewed it where it might hurt other people as well.

so. if i upset you that day, i apologize. it was unkind of me. and certainly not appropriate for the public.

i'll try and keep my more traumatized self silent here. save it for the shrink and all.

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